Change

some view change as good, others bad. well i admit i belong to the former. it wasn't always the case for me. i used to hate changes when i was the shy, reserved, naïve girl back then. i was comfortable in my shell, n changes mean i had to move in that shell, n i wld lose my comfortable position. erm. anyway. rite now, i'm more convinced that changes are good, despite the fact that ppl get hurt in the process. hear me out.



WHAT changes may make u happy or sad. but i think that the PROCESS of change itself is necessary. it embodies motion. it signifies 'new'. change represents a state of being alive.

when ur dead, u lay thr in a spot forever. but the living dun do that. we go thru changes. if nothing changes in our life, we are as good as dead. well that's looking at it from a base level.



rite now, i'm going thru change. the change itself is good. i kno it's good. i'll be starting a new chapter in my life. a new career. although it's nvr been my ambition (in fact i vowed to myself nvr to become a teacher cos they're such a pain in d ass), i've finally come round to it. call it a calling, call it a twist of fate, call it a freak decision. whatever. i can't do anything else. n u kno wat they say. "those who can't do, teach." so since i pretty much can't do anything, i shall teach. i'm surprised at my own decision, but it makes a lot of ppl happy. my mom, my grandparents, some friends. i can't say it makes me happier than them, but it's too early to tell. prolly the money's the current motivation but i hope the job itself gives me the rewarding feeling that i'm looking for in a job. i've always believed in doing something i love. my prob is i dun love anything enough.

i'm facing changes in friends too. one has turned into a disrespecting asshole who can't dress for nuts. one has been distant (but that's nothing new). n one will be incarcerated really soon. i miss the whole bunch of them, but i'm also glad i hv one i can now truly depend on, and one who'll always be there for me and truly understands me no matter how i change (10 yrs on, n we're still on the same pg). with losses n gains, i learn. i always learn.

i've also changed into a more responsible person. i used to date n run, if thr's such a crime. call it an attention deficit disorder, or commitment phobia, or just plain unfaithful. i don't see any of that anymore. thank God. i finally managed to love enough to not be selfish. n i've learnt to ignore those who threaten the happiness i hv rite now. i don't get so easily tempted to take that ride, that fucking trip on ecstacy. cos i'm already on one. =)

so to tie it up, i've changed into a person i've nvr thot of becoming when i was 13. i've done good things n bad things, made decisions right n wrong, been suicidal n survived, but after all that, i learnt. n i've learnt to love myself, n not regret anything at all in my past. it may sound cliché, but the past really makes u the person u are today. i'm now in a good place, in a good time. thr's nothing in my past tt i wish to change. i've tried a lot of things tt i wanted to, n i enjoyed myself.

life IS change.

on a different note, sweets called me last nyte. they lost 3-0 to terengganu. playing against kelantan today. if they don't qualify, i get to see him for my uncle's wedding next week. if they do, i don't see him for 3 weeks. 2 sides to a coin. duality. doesn't change the fact that i miss him.
don't u think it's sweet that he asked if i've been eating n sleeping well? no one has ever asked me that qn.